We are all familiar with Oman's rapid growth over the past 30-40 years. One of the many results that came along with opening Oman to international business and trade was the need to create an Omani workforce up to the challenge. In the past decade, dozens of institutions of higher education have been popping up in various regions in Oman and it seems that in them, women are dominating. Not only are women out numbering men expotentioally in large and mid-size colleges like, Dhofar University, Nizwa University, and Rustaq College of Applied Science, they overall tend to be more serious and more successful students. All of this points to what most have already noticed, that while some industries are still dominated by men (such as the oil industry) some companies are getting more gender diverse and will continue to. This reality has a broad spanning impact on several layers of Omani society including on organizational culture of companies, marriage rates and average marriage age, tribal relationships, women's empowerment, not to mention "Omani tradition" itself. Consider as well though, before this time of higher education and work outside the home, an adult woman didn’t interact with any male who wasn't related to her. There was no opportunity to, no space for that in who society operated. A step further, some didn’t (and perhaps still don't) interact with any man who wasn't her Mahram (a related male who is ineligible for marriage such as a brother or uncle). Looking at this feature I then ask, what impact does the reality of women having professional and academic relationships with men have on what used to be their only relationship with a man who was not her mahram? Does the modern reality of women having more access to males in professional or educational partnerships have an impact on a young women's relationship with her husband, or relationship with her future husband? Does her interacting having any type of relationship with a man other than her husband, even those non-romantic types, make that her relationship with her husband just a little less novel?
First, let me state my assumption (one of several). Having so little access to people of different genders in affect makes an individual "sensitized" to those relationships. Imagine, that before modern times, your husband was the only non-related person of the opposite gender who could form a relationship of ANY sort with you. That alone made it special. It may have been enough that he looked at you intently in the eye, that he asked your opinion on an important matter, that he included you in making a decision, that he celebrated with you one thing or the other. Now she can develop relationships like that all over her life. Her professor looks her in the eye when discussing her test, her male classmate asks her opinion on the approach for their presentation, her boss held a team meeting where she give him the golden idea for their marketing campaign, and they all celebrated the success as a team. To simplfy the issue let us assume even that these are 'culturally' appropriate interactions; that there are no romantic advances in the mix. These are just the type of interactions that come along with men and women working together on a given goal. The reverse question is also applicable. As little interaction as women had had with men who were non-family relatives, men had less than that with women who were non-family. All of this serves to make the husband and wife relationship just a little less unique.
The preciousness of the marital bond may well have been a de facto result of your spouse being the only person in your life that didn't share DNA. Perhaps marriages were two people contractually obliged to provide certain services to each other, with standards of decency and kindness in place. Of course when you spend your life with a person affection grows (in most situations). Even when it doesn't, that needn't be a dismal fate. In that case, the relationships you have with people of the same gender, provide that support, loyalty, compassion, and other such qualities and emotions that I have come to expect of a spouse. My presumption is that during the times where there was less gender interaction, ties with the same gender were more important or prominent. Human needs for interaction don't change so people create relationships where they can. That could easily leave you with a fulfilling life.I and many people who share my cultural framework often view our spouses to be the main source of financial, physical, emotional, and mental partnership in all aspects of life. That may be a result of all of the opportunities I have to form meaningful bonds with men. Me, like some young college educated working Omani women find their main source of mental enrichment at work or in school (or with peers), the emotional support from friends and family, the financial support a combination of you and your spouse (now that you are working) and the physical needs fulfilled solely by him/her (unless he has a second wife in which case those responsibilities are also shared). These women may now opt for the "one and only" model that I more readily subscribe to seeking that precious marital bond that from their mothers and grandmothers describe at time when that all of the features of that bond could only come from one source.
I imagine the Prophet's (PBUH) relationship with Saidinah Khadijah was like the one and only model; while his relationships with his other wives after her were more this sharing model. That could be another reason why he was able to have multiple wives so successfully; they weren't all complete dependent on him. Considering this, I wouldn't venture to argue one model over another or that there is some time of singular path toward "modernization" that would answer this. Rather I hold that different models will work for different people or as a cultural standard. The fact is, however, the two models cannot exist at the same time in the same relationship. The crisis that Omanis are facing in this regard as they are in transformative times people are entering marriages with different expectations. The important thing then is making sure you and your partner are living in the same model. For that to happen there needs to be a distinction made where there currently isn't one. Perhaps this asking too much at once. Let us keep this in our minds as we continue to create Oman's future.
